Pre-Easter reality check.

I've disappeared again and again, I am late in replying, in commenting, I promise I'll find time this week-end. 

Life has its ways to make you slow down. Actually it all started on the plane from Oslo two weeks ago. I felt unwell, not to the point where I should call a flight attendant, but very unwell anyway, wondering whether I'll see any landing at all anymore... I sort of decided to disregard it once the plane hit the ground but the following days, I often felt dizzy, my head was turning... Okay, I knew I was going to spend Easter at my father's so I thought I'd wait and consult his doctor wife once there. The fourth day I decided to check my blood pressure and it was 195/145. Yup... Took pills for three days then on Sunday, H. called me at a moment when my head was turning so much that after spending half an hour on the bed, I still couldn't get up and work... He literally forced me to call my father's wife and her reaction was quick - "If you can, go to the ER or call them ASAP! Now!". I quickly analyzed the situation, called the lovely owners of the pets' hotel, who arrived within half an hour to take them, I packed a bag and took the taxi to the one hospital I trust and know. They sent me to doctor who examined me immediately wrote a paper so I could be admitted to the hospital, my pressure was sky high. I got a pill under the tongue and he told me to walk *slowly* again to the ER. There I sat a nice 8 hours on a chair, I had my pressure controlled every now and then, they took blood tests and some time after 2 am, I was released. The results were good, no nasty heart symptoms and nothing else of that sort so the only thing to do is to take measures to have that b---dy pressure lower fast. 

Needless to say, that kind of night is a reality check. You see people dying, people suffering, the ER is a fast-moving microcosm and when you sit there and wait for a verdict regarding yourself, you have a lot of time to think. And when you feel so dizzy and you don't know what they are going to do to you, where they are going to send you... I was reminded of H's similar experience where within hours the decision was made to operate his heart and how that changed his, our life.

I foolishly played with not losing weight, not following the right hypertension treatment, but you can only play with your life so much. If I don't want to ever experience this blood pulsating heavily in the head, this dizziness, the fear of being alone in my flat and what would happen IF... well, I need to react asap.

On Monday I was feeling okay enough to take the train to my father's and since then his wife is trying doses, testing medicines, trying to see what and how I should take it to be out of danger. A life threat it was. My blood is lower during the day but still very high in the evenings so we're trying to control it. She says I have sad eyes and wants to know what happened that triggered it all, what sort of event... Well, I am sad deep inside, noone wants do die, right? Several sleepless nights listening to the bump-bump-bump in my head stole my smile but I'm working on it :)

As to what triggered it, who knows... I simply think I took too much on my shoulders the past months. Some of you know I decided to sell my flat and move to another town, where my family lives. All that thinking about renewing the old flat, finding a new one, administrative issued about my firm, sorting out stuff at home, traveling between two countries and four towns, lots and lots of work, not enough sleep, I think it all accumulated to a level where this had to happen to slow me down, or else...

Needless to say, I scared H. and my family, I scared myself, so I'll postpone all the moving out/renewing works plans till after the summer at least and in the meantime, I'll be in Norway as usual between middle of May and end of August. If I'm allowed to fly in 5-6 weeks, that is. 

We always think that bad things only happen to others but that's very proud thinking... And we only have one life. And I feel so deeply uneasy seeing how my closest ones worry for me. My father is soon 76 and I hate that he is so moved by all this.

Okay, so here you know - BUT I am fine. In some days I'll smile again, it feels good to be under great care among people who care, and as for the future, I need to rework it a bit to s-l-o-w d-o-w-n. And lose weight. And take my pills. And worry less. And stitch a lot :)

Now that I've shared the not so good news, we can pass on to funnier stuff. 

Here's a tiny pillow I stitched over one for a recent LHN exchange, with overdyes of my choice. My partner hasn't opened it yet because she hasn't sent hers yet. Hopefully she'll like it!

 LHN - fragment taken from Nature's Beauty

Take care and enjoy Easter! Isn't it wonderful how nature wakes up to life? It's been a loooong winter in my part of the world this year.